At school I had a huge crush
TONDA SILAR
Stage designer and Visual Artist , Czech Rep.
At school I had a huge crush on a girl who was a year younger than me. She was a little plump and didn’t have a huge number of admirers, but she was part of a ‘higher cast’. I was somewhere in the middle of the social ladder. But as far as women were concerned, my hydrocephalic brain and uncoordinated speech meant I had zero luck.
At a disco at the end of a school field trip, another boy asked me who I’d like to dance with. I told him about the object of my desire. He assessed my chances as non-existent, but said that if I tattooed him with a permanent marker he’d put in a good word for me. I spent all lunch break, and a while after supper tattooing him. It was the best tattoo I could manage at the time. He seemed happy.
I had a fundamental dislike of discos, but this one was bloody important. She didn’t even look at me all evening. I told myself that my tattooed friend must have forgotten about me. I’d have to manage myself. Then suddenly, there she was in front of me, saying “Come on, then…” I began to shake all over. We started to dance, which was a first for me. All that happened was that I put my oversized head on her shoulders, and my two big sweaty hands on her backside, but I was in seventh heaven. I couldn’t see her face, however. “Look how happy I’ve made you,” my friend whispered. When the dance was over, though, she looked as if she’d been carrying a bucket of shit the whole time. As soon as she let go of me, she ran over to him and he threw something to her. It was some crappy knitted ball that he’d to taken from her and would only give back to her on the condition that she danced with me. I stood there with my oversized head, which was totally unable to understand the situation.
