Lars Vik (Norway)
Five impossible minutes
Fem umulige minutter
LIST OF SCENES:
Scene 1: The start
Scene 2: A new attempt
Scene 3: The next attempt
Scene 4: The penultimate attempt
Scene 5: Afterwards
THE SPACE:
”Five impossible minutes” requires a minimal set.
All the scenes take place in the theatre group’s rehearsal room/space.
The piece should be played rapidly and loudly.
1. The start
NINA:
OK, let’s start. Action!
(Nina claps her hands. Katinka, Sigurd, Siv, Adrian and Jan Kåre begin a typical warm-up exercise, a variant on stick-in-the-mud perhaps? Various degrees of involvement. Jan Kåre’s cell phone rings, he picks up, listens enthusiastically, answers positively, rings off.
JAN KÅRE:
Bloody hell!
NINA:
What is it?
JAN KÅRE:
Our first job!
ADRIAN:
I have an employment relationship already. With NAV.
KATINKA:
Adrian!
NINA:
And?
JAN KÅRE:
And we get paid!
SIV:
Cool.
JAN KÅRE:
In fact, very well paid!
KATINKA:
What for?
NINA:
Who for?
ADRIAN:
When?
SIV:
How much?
JAN KÅRE:
Hold on, hold on.
KATINKA:
Well tell us then, Jan Kåre.
JAN KÅRE:
That was my uncle. He asked if we could do a stunt at a conference next week; said they could do with something fresh and youthful.
ADRIAN:
Next week?
KATINKA:
Perfect.
JAN KÅRE:
We can do whatever we want as long as it’s under five minutes.
ADRIAN:
Yeah-yeah, you can do a whole lot in 3000 seconds.
JAN KÅRE:
And we get…. thirty thousand!
SIV:
Thirty?!
KATINKA:
What? Thirty big ones for five minutes?
JAN KÅRE:
He said was that OK?
KATINKA:
Very OK. We’ll be able to take that theatre trip to the West End at last.
ADRIAN:
Or attend the international chess congress in Vancouver.
SIV:
Or we could just split the money.
KATINKA:
Split it? Why?
SIV:
Maybe we don’t all want to do the same thing?
KATINKA:
We agree about most things. Don’t we?
(They all begin talking together; all disagree.
Sigurd comes leaping in, interrupts them.)
SIGURD:
Ta-raaaah.
JAN KÅRE:
Very amusing.
SIGURD:
It’s good to see you too, Janki.
KATINKA:
Great news, Sigurd.
SIGURD:
Oh, what?
KATINKA:
Our group’s just got its first engagement.
ADRIAN:
Signed and sealed.
NINA:
We’re going to perform a stunt during a break at a big conference.
ADRIAN:
With real appreciation for once.
JAN KÅRE:
Thirty thousand shiny Norwegian kroner!
SIGURD:
Oh-la-la. Blimey…. who’s it for?
JAN KÅRE:
My uncle.
SIGURD:
The one in the oil industry?
NINA:
What?!
SIGURD:
Doesn’t he work offshore or something?
JAN KÅRE:
That’s him. He’s a middle manager for Statoil. Cool dude. They’re having this big oil conference next week and he said they need a bit of young blood to break things up a bit. You know, Tomorrow’s Heroes and all that.
ADRIAN:
That’s us all right.
NINA:
Did you say yes, Janki?
JAN KÅRE:
What?
NINA:
Did you say yes to the job?!
JAN KÅRE:
Well… you know…I said that we em…yeah, that we were interested and stuff.. but…why?
NINA:
You’re lying. You said yes, didn’t you?
SIV:
What’s up with you?
NINA:
Well, what’s your answer?!
JAN KÅRE:
Ok, ok, relax, people.
NINA:
Well?
JAN KÅRE:
Well, yes, I said we could do a five-minute job for thirty grand. Yes! Was that wrong?
SIV:
No, of course not.
KATINKA:
This is a really fantastic opportunity for us, Nina.
NINA:
He should’ve asked us first; that’s the point. Janki’s not the boss around here.
SIV:
But it’s thirty thousand!
NINA.
You can’t just say yes on our behalf, Janki. We all agreed on a flat structure!
JAN KÅRE:
Like you ask all of us about EVERY decision you take for the group, is that it?
NINA:
I do try.
JAN KÅRE:
Yeah, kiss me slowly.
NINA:
No, I’m done with that.
KATINKA:
Look, Ok, guys, maybe it wasn’t exactly right that…
SIV:
Was alright if you ask me.
KATINKA:
… Janki didn’t consult us first. Fine! But he has actually said ”yes”.
So what are we going to do?
SIGURD:
Is it really such a mega-problem that we’ve been given a job?
KATINKA:
That someone actually wants us. For once.
SIV:
And is going to pay us loads. So where’s the problem?
NINA:
What are we supposed to do?
SIGURD:
Put together a number.
…
(Written for DUS – the Norwegian version of the British “Connect” – program)
A young, independent theatre group is asked to perform a five-minute spot at a large oil-industry conference. The pay is good, but there’s little time to prepare and opinions about the job differ. When the group decide to say yes to the lucrative offer, the drama really starts. Can they criticise the oil industry? Dare they do so? At what cost? And who’s in love with whom? They are young, discordant and invincible.
The young group has to undergo a series of challenging battles before they finally step on to the stage at the prestigious conference with their five impossible minutes.
Rightholder:
www.brageteatret.no
www.dramatikkenshus.no
Performances:
Cast:
M: 4
F: 4